I Found My First Wrinkle - Here's What Happened

I'd been dreading this day for ages. Probably years. The day I got my first wrinkle. I'd read somewhere that you officially start to age at 26, and I was very conscious of it. Once my 26th birthday had been and gone in January, I found myself keeping an eye on my skin a lot more and perhaps getting a little over-zealous on the eye cream (because your eyes are the first place to show it, so I hear).

The day that I found my first wrinkle was just an ordinary day. I was due to leave the house to pick my boyfriend up from work, and had popped into the bedroom to find a hoodie for the drive. I took a quick look in the mirror - I don't know why, with not a scrap of make up on and unbrushed hair, I knew I looked a bit of a mess but seeing as I was staying in the car it wasn't really relevant.

I don't know how long it had been there. Maybe days, maybe weeks and I had no idea. But I caught sight of it, clear as anything. A singular line across my forehead. Well, shit. My first wrinkle.

I think I must have stood there for a minute, just staring at it. You know how once you see something, like when you notice a friend has lipstick on their teeth or someone wearing socks and sandals, and you just can't unsee it? Same thing. Every time I looked away from the mirror and looked back again, it was the first thing I saw. That bloody line across my forehead.

When I thought previously about what I might feel like when this day came, I assumed I'd be in floods of tears. But do you know what I did? After muttering out various expletives while I stretched the skin on my forehead this way and that in the hope that the line would disappear, I laughed. Really laughed. And I couldn't stop laughing! Even when I jumped straight on Instagram Stories to ask for recommendations for skincare to help prevent any more of the little buggers appearing, I was chuckling away. Perhaps that was to keep myself from crying though, I'm not sure.

You might be reading this post and rolling your eyes at me, thinking 'get a grip girl, it's only a wrinkle!' And do you know what, the rational side of my brain agrees with you. The rational, grown up, cool calm and collected part of me knows that it's only one wrinkle, which is actually only noticeable to me. That it's an inevitable part of life and no amount of lotions and potions will halt the process entirely. Yep, I know all of that.

But if I'm being entirely honest, I am shit-scared of getting older. It's something I've been wrestling with in my head for a year or so now. I hit 25 and all of a sudden I realised that I could never get my time back, I was hurtling towards 30 at an alarming speed and desperately wanted to slam the brakes on. It's dawned on me that this whole life thing is pretty fragile and you don't get any do-overs. 

My biggest fear, is getting it all wrong, and not having any control to do it differently. And that little wrinkle, the one I had to point out to my boyfriend and get all up in his face for him to notice (he laughed, a lot), was the physical proof that nope, I'm not going to be young forever.

I know it all sounds a little bit morbid, and to be honest that wasn't my intention for this post, I was actually hoping for it to be a bit of a giggle. But perhaps it's be a bit cathartic to get some of the things that have been keeping me up at night off my chest. 

So - what happened? I spoke to a friend with excellent skincare knowledge, immediately went online and ordered some anti-ageing products. All while cursing under my breath that I'd been using eye cream since I was 22/23, not even thinking that my forehead might be the first place! I laughed about it a little more, about how it's such a first-world problem. Stifled tears, and then just felt a bit gloomy.

Then I thought of all of the people I know who are a little older than me, but I never think of as 'older' or 'with wrinkles.' I thought of all of the people I knew on Instagram who are absolutely bossing it over 30, or over 40. Are their fine lines the first thing I notice when they post a selfie? Absolutely not. 

I thought of all of the women in my life. Mum, my godmother, friends who might be just nudging 30 or over, a milestone that I am currently terrified of. When I think of those women, do I think of whether or not they've 'aged well' or how many lines they might have? Nope. I think of their sense of humour, their hugs, their personalities. Cheesy, I know. But a very important reminder that in a sense, all of my worrying is superficial. Having a wrinkle or two won't change my character, my passions or make those close to me love me any less.

Okay, I'm still very torn over the whole wrinkle thing. I'm not someone who will be able to immediately 'embrace' the ageing process, and I think it's something I will struggle with for a long time. I will probably buy every anti-ageing product under the sun and always use spf and I'll always worry about whether or not I'm getting 'life' right. But that's okay. I know I'm probably not the only one. 

Do you remember when you discovered your first wrinkle? I want to hear some stories! Funny or otherwise, did anyone else react as badly as I did?!

Love,

Sian xo