I've always been a people pleaser. As a rule, I tend to put everyone else's wants and needs first, even if that means putting my own on standby. And I've been completely fine with that. Yes, it's rubbish at times when I've had to make sacrifices but it's more important to me that everyone else is okay. Just a trait of a kind person, right?
As it turns out, this part of my personality has become a point of criticism.
'You're too nice'
'You try to please everyone, that's why people walk all over you'
'You just can't say no to people, it's kind of spineless really'.
A girl can't win!
I'd never even associated what I thought was being kind and selfless with being a pushover or spineless. I never thought you could be criticised for trying to make people happy.
Do you know what's funny though? People are happy to bring you down for being a people pleaser, until they are the ones who want pleasing.
Once people work out that you'll put the happiness of others first, whatever the cost, they'll start to expect that of you. Even when they are the people who have made negative comments about how you are a people pleaser in the first place.
Can you tell I've been struggling with this recently?
There comes a point where you have to take back some control. For me, it's a case of remembering that sometimes, it's okay for my own happiness to come first. It's okay to say no to people, especially when they are expecting you to go out of your way for them. It's okay to feel frustrated that you can't win.
What do you think?
Love,
Sian xo
Me and you both darling, it's bloody awful being a people pleaser, I feel constantly exhausted by it all!
ReplyDeleteLove, Amie ❤
The Curvaceous Vegan
This is the second post I’ve read about this in quite a short space of time! You so need to know when to say ‘no’ and put yourself first sometimes. I like helping people and doing things for people so I suppose you could say I have a certain people pleasing trait but I’ve certainly never been called “too nice” 😂
ReplyDeleteJenny
http://www.jennyinneverland.com
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr Seuss.
ReplyDeleteLove you!!
I've recently stopped being a people pleaser because everyone's not going to like you. If you don't like who I am, then leave my life frankly, because pleasing people who will bring you down sucks out all of your energy. You don't need that stress.
ReplyDeleteAmy | hookedonthemusic.com
This is so relatable. I've been there too many time. For instance, at my old job I was easy to be walked all over because I was very helpful for them until they took it for granted. Accept for appreciating that I was there, they missed treated me. That's when I began to say no and after I felt empowered. Thank you for sharing this post.
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