I'm (Still) A Little Bit Lost

I'm at that age, around your mid-twenties, where half of my friends are getting mortgages, getting engaged and having babies, and the other half are getting drunk every other night, losing their phones (and dignities) in completely random incidents on a Saturday night with no responsibilities.

As for me, I don't fit into either of those categories.

You might remember my post in which I opened up about feeling a little bit lost, just about to finish university with no clue as to what the hell I was going to do next. Well, it's been almost two years and I still feel just as lost.

I've always been the kind of person to dream big. I've known exactly what I've wanted, how I'm going to get there and believed in my own ability, especially as a writer. But as I've got older, my dreams have shrunk, responsibilities have taken over and I've been wondering whether I really am good enough to pursue the one thing I love the most.

Is this the realities of living in the adult world, or just me losing faith in myself?

Either way, I'm at a little bit of a stalemate. And while I know how incredibly lucky I am in comparison to others, I can't help but feel like everything is just okay. I like my job, and the company I work for is great, but what happened to my dreams of writing all day every day? Lincoln is a nice enough place to live, but I know I'm a city girl at heart. I'm very close to my family, which I love but I remember being a child and promising my mum that I was going to be successful and as soon as I was, she'd get a big house and a beautiful car and I'd take her on holiday because she deserves it. I feel like I haven't made good on that promise and in turn, I've let her down.

And as someone with big dreams, I'm really struggling with things just being okay. 

I think it can be difficult to balance pursuing your dreams and making sure you are keeping to your adult responsibilities. And as you grow up, your realise that big ambitions need to work practically, and the world may get in the way of what you want.

So, how do I get myself out of this stalemate? 

I genuinely don't have an answer for this one. I guess if I did, I wouldn't feel the need to write this post. Right now, I'm just going to keep writing as much as I can, take everything as it comes, have faith in myself & wing it. It's got me along so far.

Have you ever felt like this?

Love,
Sian xo