Body Image: Giving Myself A Break

Wednesday, 21 February 2018


If you've been following me for a while, you might have seen my last post about body image, where I talked quite openly about how low I had been feeling about my body.

Well, let me tell you. Two years on, and things aren't that much different.

The thing is, I've had body-confidence issues since I was roughly 15, which looking back, I know is incredibly young to start worrying about how fat or thin you are, or why you look the way you do. At school, I was always incredibly self-conscious of the fact that the other girls in my year were very slender, and I was the girl with big boobs and big hips, and slightly chunkier thighs than everyone else. Not necessarily 'fat' or anything, just... different. And at the age of 15, different is enough.

Fast-forward nine years later, and I still struggle. I've probably tried every diet and technique you can think of. I have periods of days, weeks, months where I hate what I see in the mirror. Going shopping for clothes for nights out stresses me out no end because all I can see in my head is the skimpy, tight-fitting dresses looking ridiculous on my body. (To the point where I was in tears whilst shopping for something for the office Christmas party and Dan didn't quite know what to do with me. Poor bugger.) And I still haven't put the oversized jumpers away, mostly because I can't face going back to the pretty dresses that I usually wear because I just don't think they look quite right.

It's often hard to rationalise and articulate how you feel about your body because your thoughts get so intertwined in your head, and it's such a personal thing that when it comes out, it doesn't make much sense to anyone else. But the best way I can describe it is that I have this idea in my head of how I should look. And that doesn't marry with what I do look like. I can't quite own my big boobs and curvy hips because I've still got my 15 year old self, who was 'different', somewhere in the back of my brain telling me that I'm not good enough to wear the bodycon dress.

And that sucks.

Especially when in reality, I know I'm not different, because no two bodies are the same. And no shape is less beautiful than another. I also know that when my two year old niece is older, I'll harp on to her no end about how being kind and loving and generous are so much more important than how you look. So why can't I give myself a break?

I think everyone is their own worst enemy. We self-criticise constantly, and we care so much about how others perceive us that we forget how to love ourselves.

So, I've recently decided to start loving myself more. By eating proper, healthy food, not just whatever I can grab. Pampering myself more often. Dressing in clothes I love without wondering what other people will think, and just wearing it because I love it. And accepting the fact that okay, maybe it isn't practical for me to wear shirts because you know, buttons. I'm not the only one.

Please, if any of this relates to you, try to do the same. You're beautiful. Okay?

Love,
Sian xo



17 comments:

  1. I struggle immensely with self esteem issues, it’s something I can barely talk about without getting worked up so I’ll keep this short. I’m so glad you’ve managed to find a place where you can love yourself more - that’s certainly something we all need to do.

    Jenny
    http://www.jennyinneverland.com

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    1. Oh bless you Jenny. You're gorgeous & a lovely person and don't let anyone tell you different! I really hope you can take little steps to love yourself soon, if you ever need anything please message xo

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  2. Oh darling, it really breaks my heart to know that you have felt this way in the past as you are so beautiful. I have felt exactly like you in the past and tried Slimming World but then decided that I am going to start loving myself and for the past two years, I have done just that. As long as you're happy with yourself then other people will be happy for you! Thank you so much for sharing such an open and honest blog post babe. So well-written! Sending you so much love, happiness and positivity! 🌸✨

    With love, Alisha Valerie x | www.alishavalerie.com

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    1. Oh Alisha you're so lovely <3 I've tried Slimming World too, and Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, the Special K diet... All sorts. And I lost some weight, but I was never any happier necessarily and my weight has fluctuated so much so it hasn't done me any favours whatsoever. I'm definitely working on being happier in myself, it'll be baby steps though I think xo

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  3. I’m the same! I have such an unhealthy relationship with food, myself and my body image. I need a holiday for my brain!!

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    1. Me too - my relationship with food has gone from one extreme to the other, it's so hard to find that balance! xo

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  4. You're absolutely gorgeous inside and out my lovely! I'm here if you ever need a chat sweetness!

    Love, Amie ❤
    The Curvaceous Vegan

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    1. Love you lots Amie, so are you and don't you ever forget it! xo

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  5. I’m glad that you are trying to look beyond your outer shell and starting to pamper and look after yourself as a whole. You are beautiful both inside and out. What you see really isn’t what others do! They see gorgeous hair, spirited eyes, a contagious smile, friendly, caring, creative person. So be proud of who you are!

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  6. And to add to that, little star just saw your picture and shouted bopbop aww pretty- so there you go!

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing this! You are definitely not alone that's for sure! Its hard when you have those days when nothing quite seems to feel right. It has taking me 6 years to feel okay about bra shopping (I have very small boobs considering the size of the rest of my body) because I always felt so self conscious that they should be bigger! Body confidence is just a journey I guess! Ox

    https://lalivilou.com/2017/01/11/what-does-being-body-positive-really-mean/

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    1. Thank you for reading my love! It's so funny that we always want we can't have - I have friends with small boobs who absolutely hate it and wish they had boobs like mine but I'm so self conscious of them! But at the same time feeling this way does us no good so we just need to do our best to embrace the body we have! xo

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  8. I think it's important to remember that most people are so focused on looking at 'flaws' that don't exist in themselves that they think all the other people are gorgeous! I think you have a lovely figure!
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.co.uk/

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  9. I can relate to this so much, I was always a slim build throughout high school - partly because we had so many stairs to climb! But I was massively into sport, and going to the gym. But then I sort of fell off the wagon. When I started taking the pill, the weight started to pile on and it continued to pile on for 5 years. I'm actually the heaviest I've ever been, but I've managed to lose a stone so far this year, I'm going to make more of an effort to just be active this Summer, and hopefully confidence will come with time x

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk

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  10. I suffer with the lowest self esteem as well as social anxiety which just adds to the problem. I practically lived in leggings and baggy tops for years until recently when I decided to wear whatever the hell I like because life's too short to not be the person you want to be.
    I agree with you totally that we are our own worst enemies and every day is a battle but it's so worth it.

    Thank you for talking about this. Sending you lots of love!

    Louisa | Loubee Lou Blogs

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