I'm A Little Bit Lost

Sunday, 20 March 2016



I'm one of those people who likes to plan. Always have been, probably always will be. My diary sticks by my side at all times because otherwise I have no idea what I'm doing or when I'm doing it. I plan dates with friends, I plan when I'm doing uni work down to the hour, I plan outfits a week in advance.

And I've always had a plan for my future. Ever since I was five, I've known that I wanted to write, and although the plan has varied slightly, it's always been there. I will go to university, I will move to a big city, I will write. And so far, it's worked out pretty well for me.

Recently though, as the end of university draws ever-closer, I've found myself in a panic. If anyone read my When I Grow Up post, you might know that journalism has been thrown into question for me. But since then, I've not really had any of idea what I want to do with my life. And with the dreaded "So what's your plan for after uni?" being thrown at me left right and centre, my stress levels around the subject have only increased. Especially since the only constant, decisive factor I had has gone.

It seems that as I've got older, my future has become increasingly uncertain. When I was 18, I knew that I was going to be married at 22, babies at 24 or 25, get a comfortable job at a local newspaper, and that would be that. I now know that would have been completely the wrong path for me, but I'm now 22 and at a completely loose end, and that's something that I've never ever experienced before.

In a way, it's exciting. I can go anywhere or be anything. I have nothing tying me to a person, place or job. But after a lifetime of having your future mapped out, when you all of a sudden find yourself without a plan, it's pretty daunting.

I never would have thought five years ago that I'd be in the position I'm in now, about to graduate, moving back in with my mum in the next few months, and having absolutely no idea what's going to happen next. I thought I had planned so meticulously that it would all just fall into place. But it would seem that it just doesn't work that way.

Life happens. Things change, your interests change, people come into your life that seem to change everything, and they can leave again. Sometimes you just have to scrap your plan and go back to the drawing board. And that's okay.

One thing has remained constant for me, though. Writing. I love to write. It's the only thing that I don't have to plan, I can just take a concept out of thin air and then let the words flow. It's the only thing that I've remained passionate about. What form that will take, who knows.

Yep, I'm a little bit lost right now. I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing, I'm just going to muddle through as best I can and maybe somewhere along the way, I'll work it out. Maybe, for now, being a little bit lost is all right.

Love,
Sian Kathrine xo

17 comments:

  1. Leaving university was incredibly daunting for me too! Going to nursery, then working my way through school, completing my A Level studies and moving on to university felt as though I always had a clear next step to take. When I left I felt completely lost too. I didn't know what to expect, but I took this as time to experiment with possible career paths and to majorly unwind after somewhat constant learning! Having a plan is great, but like you said, it's exciting to go with the flow and just see what happens next! I wish you lots of luck :-)

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    1. Thank you for reading lovely! Yes that's exactly how I feel, there's always been the reassurance of what will be happening in September but there is nothing to start in September this time and that's terrifying!! xo

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  2. Dont know if this is encouragement or not, but I think we're all just a little lost - even when you reach your goal, its like, But I've always wanted to do this :) I think that's what keeps us going. Always striving for more :) Just keep moving onto what makes you happy, whenever - wherever :)

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    1. That really does help, it's been so good to know that other people are feeling the same way, especially if they're a little older or seemingly have their lives together! Thank you so much for leaving such a lovely, thoughtful comment! xo

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  3. At 32 I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!!!

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    1. Lol but are you a grown up though?!

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  4. I am in the exact same position. I had in my last ever uni assessment on 9th May and then that's it, I'm being thrown out into the big wide world and I have no idea what to do with myself! Just take everything one day at a time and hopefully things will fall into place..... at least that's what I keep telling myself!

    Katie from lifeof-a-daydreamer.blogspot.com/ xx

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    1. Me too! I've resigned myself to winging it for the time being and I'll see what happens! We can do this though xo

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  5. I can relate to this post in many ways. I love to schedule and having things planned out. I've never been a five year plan person per-say, but I've always wanted to be able to have an idea of how the following year would look. I'm trying to be more cool and casual about things. Like you, I always have writing no matter what happens. Keep at it. XOXO

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    1. Yep I'm exactly the same as you, just not knowing what's going to happen in the next couple of months is driving me absolutely crazy! I'm trying to just take it as it comes but we'll see! xo

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  6. Nothing goes EXACTLY according to plan no matter who you are. Life just isn't completely controlled, it can't be. Having said that, I'm a big "manager" which is why I'm fabulous at what I do so I get the issue of trying to control everything. Also, you'll totally figure it out but think of other ways around journalism such as magazine writing and online contract work. :)

    S .x http://ramblingsofayoungprgirl.blogspot.com

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    1. You're completely right honey! I need someone to be as calm as you and remind me of this on a daily basis haha! Thank you for commenting xo

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  7. I graduated university last year and I still have no plan on where I want to take my career even though I am in a graduate role. Start focusing on today and I am sure your future will fall into place!!

    "The world is your oyster"

    Talisa xo

    www.talisatells.co.uk

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    1. You're 10000000% right, I need these wise comments framing & putting on my wall I think! Thank you darling xo

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  8. I think I can understand how you're feeling - I felt the same way after leaving high school only that I couldn't even think of a direction. So instead if going straight to uni I went travelling, did some internships and in the end I figured out what I wanted to do. I'm sure I'll be in a similar situation after leaving uni though. But I've learnt that it's okay to be a bit lost and that sometimes it can lead to some pretty amazing opportunities. xx

    113-things-to-say.blogspot.com

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    1. I think that was a fab decision! I bet travelling was amazing! I think I'm going to spend a year working & focussing on my blog and hopefully one day it'll just occur to me what I want to do with my life! xo

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  9. I know how you feel, I feel the same except I have just turned 33, and I am still in the same situation I was five years ago. I do have a good job and I am an optimist but I think what I really need to do is plan! I really enjoyed reading your post x I hope you are able to move forward too.

    Sarah x

    The Longitude Of Life
    The Starlight Faerie

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