I'm one of those people who likes to plan. Always have been, probably always will be. My diary sticks by my side at all times because otherwise I have no idea what I'm doing or when I'm doing it. I plan dates with friends, I plan when I'm doing uni work down to the hour, I plan outfits a week in advance.

And I've always had a plan for my future. Ever since I was five, I've known that I wanted to write, and although the plan has varied slightly, it's always been there. I will go to university, I will move to a big city, I will write. And so far, it's worked out pretty well for me.

Recently though, as the end of university draws ever-closer, I've found myself in a panic. If anyone read my When I Grow Up post, you might know that journalism has been thrown into question for me. But since then, I've not really had any of idea what I want to do with my life. And with the dreaded "So what's your plan for after uni?" being thrown at me left right and centre, my stress levels around the subject have only increased. Especially since the only constant, decisive factor I had has gone.

It seems that as I've got older, my future has become increasingly uncertain. When I was 18, I knew that I was going to be married at 22, babies at 24 or 25, get a comfortable job at a local newspaper, and that would be that. I now know that would have been completely the wrong path for me, but I'm now 22 and at a completely loose end, and that's something that I've never ever experienced before.

In a way, it's exciting. I can go anywhere or be anything. I have nothing tying me to a person, place or job. But after a lifetime of having your future mapped out, when you all of a sudden find yourself without a plan, it's pretty daunting.

I never would have thought five years ago that I'd be in the position I'm in now, about to graduate, moving back in with my mum in the next few months, and having absolutely no idea what's going to happen next. I thought I had planned so meticulously that it would all just fall into place. But it would seem that it just doesn't work that way.

Life happens. Things change, your interests change, people come into your life that seem to change everything, and they can leave again. Sometimes you just have to scrap your plan and go back to the drawing board. And that's okay.

One thing has remained constant for me, though. Writing. I love to write. It's the only thing that I don't have to plan, I can just take a concept out of thin air and then let the words flow. It's the only thing that I've remained passionate about. What form that will take, who knows.

Yep, I'm a little bit lost right now. I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing, I'm just going to muddle through as best I can and maybe somewhere along the way, I'll work it out. Maybe, for now, being a little bit lost is all right.

Sian Kathrine xo

Lush events are hailed among bloggers as the best events ever. I've honestly never ever heard a blogger say that they were disappointed by a Lush event. Ever. So when I got the chance to go to the Lush Spring event in Sheffield, there was no way I was going to let it pass me by!

Not only was this my first Lush event, it was my first ever blogger's event. And my first one going by myself. So I was ridiculously nervous for the whole day, but it all melted away like a bath bomb as soon as I got in there!

The lovely staff had set up four little stations for us; where we could make our own bath bombs and bubble bars, play around with the new Spring range, create our own shower gels and get personalised skin consultations. I was gutted that I couldn't get around them all! But I couldn't have made my way to the bath bomb making station fast enough, and I loved making my own Butterball, which I can't wait to use.

We then spent a good half an hour chatting to the lovely Samm about the Mother's Day and Easter ranges, and taking a look at some of the products.

Samm showed us some amazing bath bombs and bubble bars, my personal favourites had to be Golden Egg (because ALL THE GLITTER), which I couldn't resist treating myself to, and the Ladybird bubble bar which was just so cute and smells of pick and mix! We had such a giggle and it was so lovely to get to know some of my fellow Sheffield bloggers.

I was giddy when I was told that there were going to be goodie bags for us at the end of the night, I think I might even have done a little happy squeal! I was expecting maybe a bath bomb and a couple of samples, but the lovely people at Lush really spoilt us! I got the Ladybird bubble bar (insert another happy squeal here), the Honey I Washed the Kids soap, the Over the Rainbow soap, the Humpty Dumpty bath bomb and the BB Seaweed face mask. They're all sitting in my basket in my bathroom and I can't wait to start working my way through them.

Thank you so much Lush Sheffield for having me, I had an amazing time! Hopefully I'll be attending more Lush events in the future!

Sian Kathrine xo

I LOVE a gel manicure. Going to a salon and having someone else do my nails for me, no waiting for them to dry, and then once they're done I don't have to worry about it for another two or three weeks. I just find the whole thing really therapeutic.

However, grown up responsibilities are kicking in. I've had to tighten my belt over the last couple of months and so little luxuries like getting gel manicures every other week have had to go. Tragic, I know.

So I went on the hunt for decent quality nail polishes that would give me the same effect as gel, be hard-wearing and obviously, in beautiful shades. I popped to the Model's Own stand in Meadowhall to see what they had to offer, and was practically giddy when I saw that they had an Any 6 for £20 offer on! (Which in the long run works out an awful lot cheaper than £20 every two weeks for a gel manicure!) I was spoiled for choice when it came to shades, and in the end settled on five of the HyperGel polishes, plus a topcoat. 
Left to right: Midsummer Mauve, Cornflower Blue, Brunette Red, Grey Storm,  Cashmere Rose

The HyperGel polishes go on really smoothly and easily, and I absolutely love the shiny finish that it gives. I picked up a range of shades from nudes to bright colours, I adore the Cornflower Blue, which tends to be my go-to spring shade. But my favourite has to be Midsummer Mauve, it's the perfect nude!

Midsummer Mauve

 My only complaint about these polishes would be that they don't last quite as long as I would like. They can sometimes peel and tend to start chipping within a few days, so you have to either touch them up or re-do them completely fairly often. I was under the impression that the gel would make it last longer, but maybe I'm just too lazy to do my nails every week or so! 

Overall, I'm pretty happy with the HyperGel polishes, I think they give a really nice finish and if you want a huge array of colour choices, Model's Own should definitely be your first port of call!

Have you ever tried Model's Own polishes? Or is there another gel-effect polish that you love?

Sian Kathrine xo

I haven't ever been very good at the whole being by myself thing. Up until very recently, I've almost always had someone to completely lean on, someone on hand to call or hug whenever I've had a panic attack or a bad day. And if I'm being completely honest, I've probably relied on those people too much, and I'm pretty sure that reliance is what has caused those relationships to break down.

Well, no more. The walls are well and truly up. For the first time since I was 17, I'm on my own for the foreseeable future and that's something that I'm really not used to. I've always thought of myself as an independent person, but the situation that I've found myself in has shown me that actually, I'm quite the opposite.

I've found it's the little things that are the most difficult. Like finding yourself with no plans for a Sunday afternoon and wondering how you're going to cope with spending a day on your own.

Or being ill, or having a panic attack, and it suddenly dawning on you that there's no one around to look after you or calm you down, except you. Even silly things get to me, like the other day when I slipped in the shower. I whacked my head and twisted my ankle as I went down, and had a little cry just because I realised that there was no one to come running up the stairs when they heard me scream, hold an ice pack to my head or even just give me a hug. Which sounds ridiculous, I know. But it reminded me of how lonely I was.

I'm working on it though. Slowly. I'm heading into what will probably be the busiest four months ever, with a hell of a lot of uni work to do, as well as holding down a part time job and keeping up with blogging. When I've found that I had a day to myself, I've just thrown myself into planning blog posts, or getting the ball rolling on my final project. And it makes me feel so good knowing that I've spent my day being productive, rather than feeling sorry for myself. Although believe it or not, I'm starting to enjoy my own company, spending my free evenings watching TV or reading with a hot chocolate. It can be quite nice to have the time to myself, doing what I fancy doing and not having to take someone else into consideration.

Slowly, I'm becoming more and more independent. When my depression is being a bitch and I'm feeling low, I find a way to cheer myself up, by doing my nails or watching funny YouTube videos, rather than waiting for someone to do it for me. Instead of seeing a day by myself as something awful, I look at it as a chance to either get a tonne of work done, or to have a little bit of me-time.

More than anything, I think I needed to prove to myself that I can and will look after myself. That I don't need to be reliant on anyone else, and I'm taking steps to becoming stronger and happier.

I even cook for myself on a daily basis now. If that isn't independence, I don't know what is.

Sian Kathrine xo