Getting Out of My Body Image Slump

Monday, 11 January 2016

It's become a daily routine. I get out of bed, and go to the full-length mirror that we have in our spare bedroom. Lift up my t-shirt. How flat is my tummy today? Not very. It never is. Shouldn't have agreed to takeaway last night. Stupid girl.

Still got those tree-trunk thighs. And why are my hips so big?!

I can spend a good five or ten minutes stood in front of the mirror, analysing every lump and bump, every stretch mark, every little bit of me, wondering why all the little bits that I despise haven't disappeared overnight. Then I have to choose an outfit for the day that agrees with how fat or skinny I'm feeling that day. The whole process is painstaking.

Recently, I stopped in my tracks as I pulled out another jeans-and-jumper combination. What was I doing? This isn't me. I'm usually a fan of pretty, girly dresses. Now, here I was, so ashamed of my body that I was hiding behind baggy clothes.

The thing is, I've never been a particularly "big" girl. I've been a size 12 since I was around 15 years old, and up until now, I've been very much okay with that. I've never been an unhealthy weight or been at risk. And recently, when I've mentioned to friends or family that I've been feeling rubbish about the way I look, it very quickly gets dismissed. "Oh, don't be silly Sian," they say, "You don't need to lose any weight. You suit your size."

I don't know where it has come from, but it seems as though unless you're classed as "overweight", you should just be happy with your body, and you have no right to express the fact that you are self-conscious, or your confidence is low. Because you look okay through someone else's eyes, you should also look okay through your own.

Let me tell you now. That. Isn't. True.

Whether you're a size six, twelve or twenty-two, you are allowed to have low self-esteem. Whether you're medically seen as overweight, underweight, or somewhere in between, you are allowed to feel low about your body. Your feelings are no less valid. Okay?

I'm in no way saying that this is a positive way of thinking. In an ideal world, we'd all strut around like the demigods and goddesses that we are, confident in the knowledge that we are beautiful and perfectly made. But what I'm personally fed up of is having my thoughts about my body image dismissed because I'm a "normal" size.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that my low self-esteem has been affecting my whole life. Not only the clothes I wear, but it's been having a serious effect on my relationship with Luke, my social life and just the way that I carry myself. And I can't let this keep holding me back. I just can't.

For me, the way to overcome my poor body image has been to take control, and change my thinking. I've joined Weight Watchers, and lost four pounds in my first week, which has already been a massive confidence-boost. But it goes beyond losing weight. It's about my clothes fitting better, thinking more about the food that I'm eating, becoming fitter and healthier by doing exercise that I love, nourishing my body... and eventually, being happy in my skin again. The confidence will follow. I'm determined to get out of my body image slump and get back to being my old self again.

So, my beautiful readers, my message to you is to own your body. As long as you're healthy and happy, don't let anyone else dismiss your feelings, or tell you what to do with your body. If you're a size 8 and want to join the gym to build some muscle, you do it. If you're a size 14 and want to cut out junk food, well done you! If you're a size 20 and love yourself completely, you go girl!

Love yourself, everyone. Okay?

Love,
Sian Kathrine xo


12 comments:

  1. Really good post! Your feelings about your body are personal and nobody else should tell you how to feel—ever!

    http://eggplantemoji.com

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    1. Exactly! It's really been winding me up recently and I was hoping it would resonate with a few people! Thank you for reading! xo

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  2. I was unhappy with my body before having little one and now I've had him I just want my old body back. We always want what we haven't got and there's nothing wrong with that. If we want to change who are people to tell us otherwise, it won't change the way we feel.
    Carrieanne X
    Beautiesunlocked.com

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    1. I think it's a very natural thing to want what you don't have, it's like that with a lot of things! I look back on photos from when I was 16 and think "oh my god I was so skinny" but back then, I was still convinced I was fat. It's like a vicious cycle! xo

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  3. I've always, always had issues with my body and I'm sure I always will no matter what my size is, but lately I've been learning to accept myself as I am.

    Treating your body well by eating healthy (most of the time) and doing some exercise that makes you feel good about yourself is the key I think! I did a 10K last year and it made me feel so proud, and it helped me to see my body as a body, rather than individual flaws.

    http://www.aliterarycocktail.com

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    1. Well done you on the 10K, that's an amazing achievement! I'm exactly the same, I could probably be a size 8 and still not be happy. But for me it's been more about taking control and knowing that I'm being good to myself, and tbh the weight loss has just been a bonus. I've found that eating better has lifted my mood too which is fab! I think you've got a really healthy attitude towards it, I need to take some notes from you! xo

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  4. Hello, I just found your blog and I find it really cute! So I am a new follower! :)

    Inês de Castro from Fashion Gets Fierce

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  5. I loved this! What a great read.
    You look beautiful
    http://sasssytoni.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Thankyou for reading sweetie! I'm glad you enjoyed it! xo

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  6. I agree! I think you need to be happy in your own body, it annoys me people say that trying to loose weight is silly because you look fine and healthy, like we might do, but if we aren't happy then we aren't healthy in our minds! :) I agree that's iY's are body and we should feel happy! xxx

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    1. You're absolutely right! Drives me crazy! xo

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